I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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