I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
