Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
