Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
