Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
