Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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