If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
