You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
