"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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