Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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