well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
