After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
