Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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