At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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