i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
