shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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