after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
