im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize