Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
