Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right

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(203): View more from Connecticut

it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?

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(917): View more from New York City

You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.

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(434): View more from Virginia

my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.

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(678): View more from Georgia

in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

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(503): View more from Oregon

Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?

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(813): View more from Florida

I call bullshit

(315): View more from New York

Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock

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