How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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