I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
