I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
