i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
