I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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