Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
