I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
