Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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