my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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