i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When did angry sex become our thing?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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