i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
