Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will be naked everywhere
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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