laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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