Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
