just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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