Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
