I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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