with your own penis?
Fuck appropriateness.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
