Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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