Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
