if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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