you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize