I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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