I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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