i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
