I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
