brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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