i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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