And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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