You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
