i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
