I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
