I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
