There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
