I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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