Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
