You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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