Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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