I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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