no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
