oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
