I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
