So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
