Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
