Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
