It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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