i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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