i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
