At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
