there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Congratulations! We have a period
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
