Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
