Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm at about main and main street
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
