just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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