Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
