their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
