I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
